You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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