I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
