Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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