You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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