i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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