i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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