To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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