Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
