$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
