nut hugger
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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