I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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