I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
