If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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