People in love make me want to vomit
i may or may not be watching the land before time
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
