I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
