When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
