Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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