You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
