trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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