I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
