Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
