Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up under a house in Key West
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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