Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my phone needs a breathalizer
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
