I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
