I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
