I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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