oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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