You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
