I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
