you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
