that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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