he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
