hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
