Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
