i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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