i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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