I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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