he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
