as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
