THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
