escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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