I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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