"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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