I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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