I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
