you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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