Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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