I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize