Your dad touched me again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
