I am in a vortex of obligation.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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