his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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