I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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