Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
