I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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