you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
