at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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