I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
