Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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