i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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