Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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