You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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