I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
