Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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