he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
