Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
