I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
