I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
