He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
