so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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