Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
