So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
